With all the rhetoric in the news, here's some interesting facts from Iraq. Not everything going on over there is bad. We need to remember this and support our troops until the job is done!
This is a letter from Ray Reynolds, a medic in the Iowa Army National Guard,serving in Iraq:
As I head off to Baghdad for the final weeks of my stay in Iraq, I wanted to say thanks to all of you who did not believe the media. They have done a very poor job of covering everything that has happened. I am sorry that I have not been able to visit all of you during my two week leave back home. And just so you can rest at night knowing something is happening in Iraq that is noteworthy, I thought I would pass this on to you. This is the list of things that has happened in Iraq recently: (Please share it with your friends and compare it to the version that your paper is producing.)
* Over 400,000 kids have up-to-date immunizations.
* School attendance is up 80% from levels before the war.
* Over 1,500 schools have been renovated and rid of the weapons stored there so education can occur.
* The port of Uhm Qasar was renovated so grain can be off-loaded from ships faster.
* The country had its first 2 billion barrel export of oil in August.
* Over 4.5 million people have clean drinking water for the first time ever in Iraq.
* The country now receives 2 times the electrical power it did before the war.
* 100% of the hospitals are open and fully staffed, compared to 35% before the war.
* Elections are taking place in every major city, and city councils are in place.
* Sewer and water lines are installed in every major city.
* Over 60,000 police are patrolling the streets.
* Over 100,000 Iraqi civil defense police are securing the country.
* Over 80,000 Iraqi soldiers are patrolling the streets side by side with US soldiers.
* Over 400,000 people have telephones for the first time ever.
* Students are taught field sanitation and hand washing techniques to prevent the spread of germs.
* An interim constitution has been signed.
* Girls are allowed to attend school.
* Textbooks that don't mention Saddam are in the schools for the first time
in 30 years.
Don't believe for one second that these people do not want us there. I have met many, many people from Iraq that want us there, and in a bad way. They say they will never see the freedoms we talk about but they hope their children will. We are doing a good job in Iraq and I challenge anyone, anywhere to dispute me on these facts. So If you happen to run into John Kerry, be sure to give him my email address and send him to Denison, Iowa. This soldier will set him straight. If you are like me and very disgusted with how this period of rebuilding has been portrayed, email this to a friend and let them know there are good things happening.
Ray Reynolds, SFC
Iowa Army National Guard
234th Signal Battalion
~out of the email bag
Saturday, June 19
This is interesting. . . . .
~Thanks, Harold!
There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....in the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's one American City folks, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.
Worst president in history?
The following appeared in the Durham, NC local paper as a letter to the editor. Please forward to all on your list as this will put things in perspective:
Liberals claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war. They complain about his prosecution of it. One liberal recently claimed Bush was the worst president in U.S. history. Let's clear up one point: We didn't start the war on terror. Try to remember, it was started by terrorists BEFORE 9/11. Let's look at the 'worst' president and mismanagement claims.
*FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.
*Truman finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,333 per year.
*John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.
*Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an an average of 5,800 per year.
*Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on Multiple occasions.
In the two years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. We lost 600 soldiers, an average of 300 a year. Bush did all this abroad while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.
Worst president in history? Come on!
The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but.... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51 day operation.
We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm Billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!
Our military is GREAT! PASS IT ON.
~Thanks, Harold!
There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....in the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's one American City folks, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.
Worst president in history?
The following appeared in the Durham, NC local paper as a letter to the editor. Please forward to all on your list as this will put things in perspective:
Liberals claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war. They complain about his prosecution of it. One liberal recently claimed Bush was the worst president in U.S. history. Let's clear up one point: We didn't start the war on terror. Try to remember, it was started by terrorists BEFORE 9/11. Let's look at the 'worst' president and mismanagement claims.
*FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.
*Truman finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,333 per year.
*John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.
*Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an an average of 5,800 per year.
*Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on Multiple occasions.
In the two years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. We lost 600 soldiers, an average of 300 a year. Bush did all this abroad while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.
Worst president in history? Come on!
The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but.... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51 day operation.
We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm Billing records.
It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!
Our military is GREAT! PASS IT ON.
Strange Facts About the 1500s
~Thanks Flipper!
Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be....
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and, still, smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then, all the other sons and men, then, the women and, finally, the children -- last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could, actually, lose someone in it -- hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
3. Houses had thatched roofs--thick straw, piled high, with no wood, underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so, all the dogs, cats, and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs), lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and, sometimes, the animals would slip and fall off the roof-- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could, really, mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top, afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."
6. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter, when wet, so, they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way --hence, a "thresh hold."
7. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and,then, start over the next day. Sometimes, the stew had food in it, that had been there for quite a while--hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
8. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon."
9. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
10. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so, for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
11. Most people did not have pewter plates, but, had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often, trenchers were made from stale paysan bread, which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed, and, a lot of times, worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
12. Bread was divided, according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or, "upper crust."
13. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would, sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."
14. England is old and small, and, they started out running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and, they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell", or, was considered a "dead ringer."
~out of the email bag
~Thanks Flipper!
Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be....
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and, still, smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then, all the other sons and men, then, the women and, finally, the children -- last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could, actually, lose someone in it -- hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
3. Houses had thatched roofs--thick straw, piled high, with no wood, underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so, all the dogs, cats, and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs), lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and, sometimes, the animals would slip and fall off the roof-- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could, really, mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top, afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."
6. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter, when wet, so, they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way --hence, a "thresh hold."
7. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and,then, start over the next day. Sometimes, the stew had food in it, that had been there for quite a while--hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
8. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon."
9. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
10. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so, for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
11. Most people did not have pewter plates, but, had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often, trenchers were made from stale paysan bread, which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed, and, a lot of times, worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
12. Bread was divided, according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or, "upper crust."
13. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would, sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."
14. England is old and small, and, they started out running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and, they realized they had been burying people alive. So, they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell", or, was considered a "dead ringer."
~out of the email bag
Friday, June 18
Thought for the Day
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report
that her telephone failed to ring when her friends
called -- and that on the few occasions when it did
ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene,
curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly
lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in
his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The
phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned
loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down
from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus
causing the phone to ring.
Which goes to show that some problems can be fixed by
pissing and moaning.
~from the email bag
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report
that her telephone failed to ring when her friends
called -- and that on the few occasions when it did
ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene,
curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly
lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in
his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The
phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned
loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down
from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus
causing the phone to ring.
Which goes to show that some problems can be fixed by
pissing and moaning.
~from the email bag
Sunday, June 13
Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
~ The Strategy Page ~
Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.
Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.
Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.
US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.
Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP?s. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.
Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.
Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.
Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.
Kerry: "The chicken crossed the road before it did not"
Baghdad Bob: The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!
USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit thought, it's impressive footage..."
~from the email bag
Thank you, Sean, the Marine Version made Dad spew his coffee~
~ The Strategy Page ~
Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.
Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.
Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.
US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.
Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP?s. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.
Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.
Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.
Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.
Kerry: "The chicken crossed the road before it did not"
Baghdad Bob: The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!
USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit thought, it's impressive footage..."
~from the email bag
Thank you, Sean, the Marine Version made Dad spew his coffee~
Saturday, June 12
OFFICIAL 2004 DNC CONVENTION PROGRAM
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr defense fund
7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony
9:30pm - * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted Kennedy)
10:00pm - Flag stomping and defacing ceremony
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop
11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate
~Thanks to 'Shaman'
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr defense fund
7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony
9:30pm - * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted Kennedy)
10:00pm - Flag stomping and defacing ceremony
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop
11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate
~Thanks to 'Shaman'
Friday, June 4
THIS ONE WILL NUDGE YOUR HEART~
The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on
the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom.
When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets
and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy I was
always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they
were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry
jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones
gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled.
I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and
admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like
a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the
bedroom window.
When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen
table and roll the coins before taking them to the
bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big
production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box,
the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat
of his old truck. Each and every time, as we drove to
the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins
are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son.
You're going to do better than me. This old mill
town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and
every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across
the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would
grin proudly. "These are for my son's college fund.
He'll never work at the mill
all his life like me!"
We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for
an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always
got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor
handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins
nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start
filling the jar again." He always let me drop the
first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around
with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other.
"You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and
quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to
that."
The years passed, and I finished college and took a
job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents,
I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that
the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and
had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared
at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had
always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never
lectured me on the values of determination,
perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me
all these virtues far more eloquently than the most
flowery of words could have done.
When I married, I told my wife Susan about the
significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my
life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than
anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter
how rough things got at home, Dad continued to
doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer
when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to
serve driedbeans several times a week, not a single
dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked
across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans
to make them more palatable, he became more determined
than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish
college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening,
"You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you
want to."
The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was
born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After
dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa,
taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began
to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's
arms."She probably needs to be changed," she said,
carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper
her. When Susan came back into the living room, there
was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica
back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into
the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing
me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my
amazement, there, as if it had never been removed,
stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered
with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down
into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.
With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped
the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad,
carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room.
Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same
emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.
This truly touched my heart... I know it has yours as
well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles
that we forget to count our blessings.Never
underestimate the power of your actions. With one
small gesture you can change a person's life, for
better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's
lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God
in others.
"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or
touched - they must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller
In:
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult;
the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
~Alden Nowlan
The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on
the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom.
When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets
and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy I was
always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they
were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry
jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones
gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled.
I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and
admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like
a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the
bedroom window.
When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen
table and roll the coins before taking them to the
bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big
production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box,
the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat
of his old truck. Each and every time, as we drove to
the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins
are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son.
You're going to do better than me. This old mill
town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and
every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across
the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would
grin proudly. "These are for my son's college fund.
He'll never work at the mill
all his life like me!"
We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for
an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always
got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor
handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins
nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start
filling the jar again." He always let me drop the
first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around
with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other.
"You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and
quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to
that."
The years passed, and I finished college and took a
job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents,
I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that
the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and
had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared
at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had
always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never
lectured me on the values of determination,
perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me
all these virtues far more eloquently than the most
flowery of words could have done.
When I married, I told my wife Susan about the
significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my
life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than
anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter
how rough things got at home, Dad continued to
doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer
when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to
serve driedbeans several times a week, not a single
dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked
across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans
to make them more palatable, he became more determined
than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish
college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening,
"You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you
want to."
The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was
born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After
dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa,
taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began
to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's
arms."She probably needs to be changed," she said,
carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper
her. When Susan came back into the living room, there
was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica
back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into
the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing
me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my
amazement, there, as if it had never been removed,
stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered
with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down
into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.
With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped
the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad,
carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room.
Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same
emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.
This truly touched my heart... I know it has yours as
well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles
that we forget to count our blessings.Never
underestimate the power of your actions. With one
small gesture you can change a person's life, for
better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's
lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God
in others.
"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or
touched - they must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller
In:
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult;
the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
~Alden Nowlan
Friday, April 23
AWESOME JOKE FROM THE EMAIL BAG~
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender
who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently
caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she
asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, No," the man replies. "Can you get him for
me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair. Can't,"
breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there
anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give
him a message," she continues, running her forefinger
across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple
of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently. What should I tell him?" the bartender
manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no
toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the
ladies room."
Women and thier wiley ways!
Here's, yet another, example of that:
One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress
replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it
~Another one from the email bag
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender
who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently
caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she
asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, No," the man replies. "Can you get him for
me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair. Can't,"
breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there
anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give
him a message," she continues, running her forefinger
across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple
of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently. What should I tell him?" the bartender
manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no
toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the
ladies room."
Women and thier wiley ways!
Here's, yet another, example of that:
One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress
replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it
~Another one from the email bag
Sunday, April 11
A Hearwarming Story I stumbled across. . . .
The Legend of Buck Bunny
(As told by John Burridge, complete with spastic gestures, bugged out eyes, and evil giggles.)
Once upon a time, 1988 to be exact, there was a college, Reed College in fact. And at this college there were some students who lived in a house called The Motel 6. Near by there was a Safeway, and in this Safeway, around Easter Time, there were boxes and boxes and boxes of chocolate Easter Bunnies.
One day, I was walking in the Safeway, and one of the bunnies caught my eye. It was Buck Bunny, and on the outside of Buck's box was a story. The story was bad; the story was tacky; the story was a collection of bad puns; and finally, the story was an artless rip off of Star Wars, Buck Rodgers, and World War II anti-German propaganda. "Oh my God," I said to myself, "This chocolate space bunny is so tacky, there's only one possible response: Into the microwave with you, Buck!"
And so I popped Buck Bunny into my shopping cart and scampered off to the Motel 6 with him and the rest of my groceries (Pop Tarts, Cheerioes, and 2% Milk, for those of you who have forgotten). We placed Buck into his own special little nitch in the cabinet (above the Microwave), and for two weeks we would remind Buck of his impending Doom on Easter Morning.
Easter Morning dawned. At the crack of noon we got up and stumbled about. We unwrapped Buck from his box, placed him in a bowl, and put him into the Microwave. Now, this was a in the late '80's before Microwaves were made fancy with internal turn tables and safety meshes across the glass doors. So you could see right into the window (and probably get a tan, too) while your food was beamed with microwaves.
We closed the door, dialed a time setting, and gathered around the window. Buck Bunny stood bravely. The microwave bell dinged. "This is sick," someone said, and continued "Do it some more." We gave him ten more seconds.
Nothing happened.
We twisted the timer as far as we could. The microwave fan blew and the megatron tube hummed and Buck Bunny stood there not melting. "Huh," I said, "I don't think anything is going to happen." About this time a sheen of moisture appeared on Buck's brown brow. "Oh, wait," someone said, "Something's happening."
Suddenly, with a quick thwuck Buck Bunny's little candy eyes fell backwards into his head and there were these little blank eye sockets staring out at us! And WE ALL WENT: "EEEEEEUWWW!!!!!!"
And then with a glorp Buck Bunny collapsed in on himself into a chocolate puddle.
We pulled him out of the Microwave, and there were his little candy eyes looking up at us.
We had a fruit fondue with bananas, oranges, and apples. For the rest of the afternoon we were spastic from the chocolate.
The End
(Or IS IT?)
~Sounds like my kind of party
The Legend of Buck Bunny
(As told by John Burridge, complete with spastic gestures, bugged out eyes, and evil giggles.)
Once upon a time, 1988 to be exact, there was a college, Reed College in fact. And at this college there were some students who lived in a house called The Motel 6. Near by there was a Safeway, and in this Safeway, around Easter Time, there were boxes and boxes and boxes of chocolate Easter Bunnies.
One day, I was walking in the Safeway, and one of the bunnies caught my eye. It was Buck Bunny, and on the outside of Buck's box was a story. The story was bad; the story was tacky; the story was a collection of bad puns; and finally, the story was an artless rip off of Star Wars, Buck Rodgers, and World War II anti-German propaganda. "Oh my God," I said to myself, "This chocolate space bunny is so tacky, there's only one possible response: Into the microwave with you, Buck!"
And so I popped Buck Bunny into my shopping cart and scampered off to the Motel 6 with him and the rest of my groceries (Pop Tarts, Cheerioes, and 2% Milk, for those of you who have forgotten). We placed Buck into his own special little nitch in the cabinet (above the Microwave), and for two weeks we would remind Buck of his impending Doom on Easter Morning.
Easter Morning dawned. At the crack of noon we got up and stumbled about. We unwrapped Buck from his box, placed him in a bowl, and put him into the Microwave. Now, this was a in the late '80's before Microwaves were made fancy with internal turn tables and safety meshes across the glass doors. So you could see right into the window (and probably get a tan, too) while your food was beamed with microwaves.
We closed the door, dialed a time setting, and gathered around the window. Buck Bunny stood bravely. The microwave bell dinged. "This is sick," someone said, and continued "Do it some more." We gave him ten more seconds.
Nothing happened.
We twisted the timer as far as we could. The microwave fan blew and the megatron tube hummed and Buck Bunny stood there not melting. "Huh," I said, "I don't think anything is going to happen." About this time a sheen of moisture appeared on Buck's brown brow. "Oh, wait," someone said, "Something's happening."
Suddenly, with a quick thwuck Buck Bunny's little candy eyes fell backwards into his head and there were these little blank eye sockets staring out at us! And WE ALL WENT: "EEEEEEUWWW!!!!!!"
And then with a glorp Buck Bunny collapsed in on himself into a chocolate puddle.
We pulled him out of the Microwave, and there were his little candy eyes looking up at us.
We had a fruit fondue with bananas, oranges, and apples. For the rest of the afternoon we were spastic from the chocolate.
The End
(Or IS IT?)
~Sounds like my kind of party
Questions that really need answers...
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? they're both dogs!
9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
14. Stop singing and read on..........
15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
~Out of the email bag,
Thanks Flipper!
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? they're both dogs!
9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
14. Stop singing and read on..........
15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
~Out of the email bag,
Thanks Flipper!
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